Fearing the worst. Why do we always run home?

Have you ever had episodes of such intense fear that you'd collapse or have a heart attack while you were out shopping for groceries or maybe while at a party with friends? If you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, this must be a norm for you or you probably hardly even ever leave the house! Today, I went to the gym for the first time after 6 months of close to ZERO exercise after being given the all clear sign by my Cardiologist that I am safe and healthy (apart from a myocardial bridge in my heart, but that's a story for another day..) So! There I was, sitting on a couch in the gym, worrying if I'd have a panic attack or of course, a heart attack. I dwelled on this for nearly an hour before I got my ass off the couch and started to do some warm ups. 30 minutes in and all was well then suddenly, BAM! Ectopic heartbeat alert! My chest hurt for a split second, I suddenly had to take deeper breaths and felt slightly dizzy, on came the numbness of the left arm and that fear of impending doom. My anxiety began to heighten so bad and all the "what if" questions began taking over my mind. I paced up and down the gym and stayed as close to the defibrillator as possible (not like that would have helped) and tried to play things cool. I tried to do another different type of exercise but I just couldn't take it anymore, I just wanted to go home, my safe place, so I left in a hurry.

Now here is what I really wanted to talk about today. Why is it that when we have a panic/anxiety attack with the fear of dying or think we are having a heart attack, we plan on running home, no matter what we were doing (yes at times we go to the ER). I asked myself this when I was opening the door to my house: If I got a heart attack now, what would make it any safer now that I am at home, ALONE, and far away from the nearest person? I mean, I would have had a better chance at surviving any life threatening situation with more people around me who might have known CPR, could have been a doctor or could have just called the ambulance for me if I passed out. 

So why is it that we run home everytime we get a panic or anxiety attack? What good would it do us? Absolutely nothing! We have to change our mindset knowing that we are safe no matter where we are! I suffered from agoraphobia at one point of my life for a year and now that I look back and think, I could have done so many things in that year, maybe even got rid of my anxiety! But the past is the past and now after 8 years, I've finally began questioning myself and I hope that anyone and everyone else suffering from anxiety, panic and depression would do the same: "Why do we run home and hide in a shell when it is actually safer out there with people around who could actually help you in an emergency situation?" What if instead, we stayed out but moved to a quiet place and caught our breath, lowered our anxiety levels or yes maybe even pop that Xanax that most of us keep in our pockets and then try to soldier on with our day. We are missing out on a lot of things because we always run off home. Birthdays, dates, hanging out with friends, etc. 

We fear that we'd die at any moment, but life is so short and we are making it shorter by missing out, we should be out there and since we already live like everyday is our last day (literally like that in our minds unfortunately) we should actually live like it is our last day and do what we love! Get out there, watch a movie, meet your friends, go to a bar and meet new people! I promise that if you can change the way you "react" to that next attack and instead of escaping through that nearest exit, your life will begin to change! If you don't end up being able to calm yourself down from an attack while you're out and really need to go home, do it! It's ok! Try again tomorrow, try and try and try every time! We often think we are weak but in reality, we are really strong people for being able to go through this day in day out. So don't feel depressed, down or upset at yourself if you couldn't do it yesterday or today, remember, there is always tomorrow! I am going through this as well and so are hundreds of thousands of other people. We can do it, I believe in you and so should you.

I hope that this has somewhat maybe altered your thinking in a certain way and that hopefully it helps you or makes you feel better. 

Remember, you are never alone.

Danesh Ettore Laino