Heart Palpitations and How Crippling It Gets

Have you ever experienced heart palpitations? People get them all the time and most of the time, its benign and you feel nothing. Due to my health anxiety and the big fear of a heart attack, I am extremely conscious of my heart beating and often feel the palpitations.

I tend to get ectopic beats which is like a skipped beat with more blood being pumped out with a bang. Normally, you don't tend to feel it but because I am hypersensitive to my palpitations, I often do. My ectopic beats are painful, it's like a super hard thud with a slight sharp pain, it only lasts for a split second but my anxiety would sink in automatically after all these years of thinking, "it's a heart attack" , "that's it i'm done."

Today, my palpitations have crippled me with fear so bad that I wouldn't leave my house, which is sad because today was supposed to be family day and now my wife and kids have gone out for a walk while I cower in my room with writing as my only outlet for my frustrations. I currently feel breathless as I type, slightly dizzy (probably from hyper or hypoventilation) worried that I'd collapse in my house while no ones around. Scary... Really scary for me right now.

So due to the palpitations and chest pains that I been feeling since this morning's gym session, I took my benzodiazepin which is clonazepam and also for the first time,  Diltiazem Hydrochlorid which is a calcium blocker for my heart. Reason as to why I am taking a heart medication is because I have a myocardial bridge and was told that it could be the culprit for the chest pains and palpitations and this medication can help stop them (I wish).

Being a self proclaimed hypochondriac, just taking a new pill scares me! In 8 years of suffering from anxiety, panic and depression, I have been put on countless pills one after another and have gone through some of the most horrendous side effects which in turn now I tend to get anxious with every new medication given. Worst part of being anxious is that you get symptoms of anxiety which are chest pains, breathlessness, numbness, faster heart rate, etc. WHICH ARE ALL BAD SIDE EFFECT SYMPTOMS OF TAKING MOST MEDICATIONS! Well well well, what now? Yes freaking out can make things worse than it should be and right now I am in that spot. Freaking the hell out, alone at home.

But hey on the plus side, no ectopic beats so far or at least none felt. I know that somewhere out there, someone else has gone through what I've gone through or is currently experiencing right now. We are not alone although this feels like a very lonely battle. If anyone feels the same way or experiences anything like this, know that I am here for you and so is everyone else.

Remember, you are never alone.

Danesh Ettore Laino